Three and four

I blew through a stop sign.

I didn't mean to.

My mind recognized it a little too late, I couldn't stop.

I can't stop.

Just stop.

But I was going too fast.

I'm going too fast.

I don't have time.

Brakes only work when you have a little time.

We arrived at the park and I asked if you even wanted to finish.

I could only hold your hand through the race for so long. Eventually someone had to lose. Someone had to take first and someone had to fall to second. 

You told me you wanted to finish but made no move to get out of the car. So I left you there and ran to the swings.

I swung hard and fast letting the breath be drug from me in little huffs.

"Make me a constellation" I begged the sky. She tenderly touched my cheek and told me she would if I could let go.

But I couldn't.

My fingers were glued to the chains.

I can't let go.

Let go.

The sky won't take you if you don't let go.

But I couldn't.

So she left me there.

And you came.

We swung in silence.

I was higher.

A laugh escaped me when I went too high and the sky reached out to grab me but the earth greedily yanked me back.

At least the ground wanted me. Beneath it or above it I wasn't sure.

My feet began to drag and I realized at some point momentum ends and you have to stop and make a decision.

I got up and walked to that beautiful tree with two branches embracing the sky.

The tree gave and gave but did the sky ever return?

I read a poem about a boy and girl, a tree and a bed time story.

The water had risen to my lungs by now because my mind had fallen silent in its claim. I had to stop several times to breathe and stop the water from spilling over. When I finished I turned away.

And you caught me.

Drug me to your chest like the tide drags the shore to itself. 

You read.

And that's when the water spilled over in a frenzy.

You pulled me closer and I tried to push you away. Ironic. 

And I bet you never knew that I hate being touched when I'm upset. Very few can hold me when I cry. To touch me. To see me this way.

But now I was pushing. Did you feel the change?

Did you hear my muffled cry of "please don't?" Because I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want you to see me break because you had already seen too much.

And when you finished I fell to my knees with a quiet question of "why did you drop me?" I started bleeding but it was too dark to see. You insisted you never would yet here I was. Your arms were still laced around me loosely as the tears fell and you whispered "I dont know." 

That wasn't good it enough.

That isn't enough.

I stood up and walked away.

Three.

The silence in the car was heavy as I read again. Febuary 11th. 

I finished and started the car and turned on my favorite background. Shane.

Once upon a time I loved "Darling Sara."

I once told you, I felt like Sara.

Then as I fell it became "Apology."

And now it was "Let Me Go."

But only because of a certain line.

You started talking quietly along with Shane and we started again.

Four.