Grief Written

We talked about it so long that it slipped my tongue..."when" Unfortunately you noticed the slip "if" you corrected me. Who knew two tiny letters could hurt so bad.

I've stopped sleeping again. The bags under my eyes are growing darker so my makeup is getting thicker. No ones really noticed. I think they've grown so accustomed to seeing a ghost of myself that they've stopped looking for the body. I'm a picture that's faded. Something with the intensity and saturation turned way down to make me looked muted. I don't mind much anymore I guess. It's just sleep after all. The nightmares are back. They're what meets me beneath my eyelids when sleep finally visits. I wonder if that's why I don't even try to sleepy anymore. They're not as bad as they used to be. Or maybe that's just what I tell myself. Who still has nightmares? I'm so pathetic. I've stopped showing up to class. No one's really noticed. I missed my favorite class. I stopped arguing in another one. I've just been relabeled as a student who no longer cares. I

When you ignore people you're telling them "you're not worthy of my response, or validation." Thats why silence is a knife  to all our hearts. It tells us "you're not enough."

I once had pretty words to fall asleep to and cradle in my heart. They were just words but they made me fall in love. But now even those have stopped...and so has my heart.

A hundred years ago Einstein developed the theory of quantum mechanics. Essentially the theory deals with two things: Probability and uncertainty. The theory, put simply, states that particles have dual patterns until they encounter some interference and in space there is always interference. The uncertainty and unpredictability of the particles has become the fundamentals of quantum mechanics. Basically nothing is for sure. Electrons, photons, neutrons, and protons are what everything is made of. They are what we study. We claim that biology is the study of life but we fail to mention that chemistry is the study of what this life is made of. We also fail to mention that it is relevant to love. And because of this fact, quantum mechanics tells us that life is uncertain, unclear, and unpredictable. Life is the ultimate teacher of quantum mechanics. When I met you, when our paths interfered, I could swear that our hearts were aligned. I had skipped through wave lengths, t

Love is a game of Russian roulette. You hand me a bullet with a question of whether I want to play. Let's put a revolver to our hearts, And hear the chamber click like it's an answer to a question we don't know we've asked. Can you pull the trigger first? Or are we haunted by the past? The loaded gun, heavy in our hands, resembling the loaded question of love.  I was always quick on the draw. I can't count all observers who watched me fall, pull the trigger, without a second thought because love is all I sought; and as I lay there bleeding with a wounded heart, they ask me if I knew that the resounding shot wasnt signaling the start. It was the shot of the final lap. The end.  They didn't tell me when I leapt that it was a misstep, the law of gravity doesn't bend for anyone. Not for me. Not for you. Not for people in love, because gravity is an abusive relationship you can't get out of. We can't float on