Grief Written

I’m drunk off the wine I took from your house so you wouldn’t drink too much when I left  And I held the bottle in the Uber on my way home which was silent  I thought about that time in college I Ubered home crying and drunk knowing that he had said things I couldn’t forgive  But even then in that moment, I wondered what he would say about me now He was never fiercely protective But I thought about the way you grabbed my wrist and the way my nail broke and how I was the one apologizing  It made me feel like a child again in all the ways and I know you know what I mean Because I can still see your regret leaning against the kitchen sink  I can see perhaps a thought of your mother In the same way I had one of mine  And I’ve already forgiven you in the way I’ve forgiven every man I’ve loved  I’m still detangling the ways my mother loved and was loved  I’m still grieving my childhood self and teenage self and college self Once he told me, “I say things that hurt you because I just love you