Grief Written

It was a curse and a blessing to feel things so deeply All she felt was the sting of diving into the unwelcoming depths that perhaps weren't even there, but she didn't mind. Because she didn't believe in the surface. It did not exist to her, she did not belong there. The surface was a place of empty words and superficiality.  But beneath the surface lied true beauty and pain and love and loss .  She devoted herself to the depths and expected others to do the same. She ached to ask things like what is your biggest fear?  What makes you cry?  What do you fill yourself up with when you feel empty?  But settled for common phrases such as " the weather is lovely " because people are afraid of depth There are danger in the depths Danger in opening yourself up, so completely v u l n e r a b l e. Once you dive into the depths, the surface seems so far. She dived into the depths not caring if she drowned in them, as lon...

You walk into the bakery Rich aromas fill your nose and you inhale deeply The bell rings behind you...soft and clear The baker looks up and directs "Take a number." Simple enough right? You reach over and pull the ticket. 5683. The significance? You've let yourself be assigned a number. How dehumanizing . You're now seen as a number, not a person. We were talking about the holocaust in history. We were learning how inhuman humanity can be.  How dark and clinical and detached we can become. My teacher gestured to a unaware student "You're now 5683. You're a number, you no longer have a name." To my shock he laughed. His friends laughed. The jokes flew. "Don't do that 5683." "5683 what are you doing after school?" "5683 is my best friend!" Then "5683" numbered his friends, 4283, 4475, 0000. They laughed and referred to each other by their numbers the rest of class. Their ignoran...

Someone once compared being sad to drowning in the ocean The waves crash over your head It fills your lungs Drags you under and no matter how hard you try you         cant                breathe .  But to me it's f l o a t i n g through space Nothing can touch you Nothing can ground you You're left alone  Spiraling through the never ending atmosphere of your sadness and thoughts. You        are             alone . And I think that's what scares me most.... I rather drown in an ocean of tears; for the waves drag me under and fill my lungs with briny salt water.                                                                         ungrounded Than f l o a t aimle...

a·stig·ma·tism noun 1 . a defect in the eye or in a lens caused by a deviation from spherical curvature, which results in distorted images, as light rays are prevented from meeting at a common focus . In the world we live in, everyone focuses on perfection. Perfect  skin. Perfect teeth. Perfect height. Perfect weight. Perfect everything. We've developed this, astigmatism of ourselves. Looking through the lens of society, we forget that the lens has a defect. What you see in the mirror is not what is actually there. Society shows you distorted images. The images tell you that you're worthless because you're not perfect. The astigmatism distorts the images and prevents rays of self love from meeting a common focus. Society clinically places the lens in your eye and stands detached as the lens causes them to water. The tears course down your cheeks as the lens distorts your view of not only yourself, but the world. But let m...

"I don't want that to go to your head, I want that to go to your heart." So I ticketed the phrase with a one way to my heart where it would get off... But you know how public transportations are. So risky and unreliable. The phrase experienced a delay, caught somewhere between my mind and heart. The conductor called out "We're experiencing some, uh, difficulties. Please bear with us." So the phrase shifted around nervously in it's seat and tried to look inconspicuous. Another passenger got up and walked to where the phrase sat, trying to remain unseen. "I'm doubt" it introduced itself settling next to the phrase, "where are you headed?" "The heart," muttered the phrase clutching it's ticket for reassurance. Doubt laughed and glanced the phrase over. "You don't belong there. You belong up top, where the mind is. Works great up there, very logical. You, of course, would need some revising. You j...

"I wish I didn't have to fix myself"  like who you are is a mistake ... an error in a complicated math problem ending up with an Y instead of an X leaving you to ask the question why why why . a typo in the novel of yourself picked out by the harshest critic ridiculed ? , circled, underlined , and torn apart. But it isn't a mistake                                  an error                                               a typo it isn't something WRONG with you. The only fixing you need is......... your bruises           ...

Words cannot describe what I feel for you. Scattered and crumbled pages strewn across the floor, demonstrate pathetic attempts. Crossed out phrases Scratched out words  Frustration flowing through the pen  The 26 letters in the alphabet have completely and utterly failed me. Unable to form a phrase about your eyes Or a word for your smile  Or a even syllable about your laugh The constants and vowels crumble, useless. And all these letters can offer me is one word, using 4 letters of the 26. Love. But this word cannot contain all I feel for you. It is spilling over the edges. It is not large enough or wide  to hold all I feel. If I could, I would rearrange all 26 letters to form a word.  And yet the word would still not be long enough or tall enough. Words and letters are incompetent. Failures. They cannot rearrange in such a way to describe what I feel for you. So I settle for the word they can offer, love. And oh do I feel that for you.