In this version

 In this version,

The man I love brushes his teeth over the sink with me and we take turns spitting, laughing each time our eyes meet in the mirror.

I am not worried about the longevity of my toothbrush on his bathroom counter,

It’ll be replaced every six months after each dentist appointment —I do not cancel it because we are not arguing in the driveway.

While I peel it out of the packaging I make him guess the color while simultaneously asking, “how often are we supposed to replace these actually?”

He is not annoyed with my game and puts thought into the answer, listing off all the previous colors that have spotlighted on his bathroom counter.

And before I can pause peeling the toothbrush out of the package, he has reached for his phone to google my question. 

In this version, I  am not surprised that he has anticipated a need from me. 

There are sticky notes stuck to the mirror with my handwriting from several days before, he does not take them down until they lose their stickiness from the steam.

He keeps each one, so I keep writing him.

I’ve gotten into bed now while he finishes flossing,

He makes a joke about the way I don’t fully twist the toothpaste cap closed but in the same breath tells me that each loose lid in the house  is a reminder that I’ve been there.

When he joins me in bed, I put my book and journal in the nightstand among my other items. I know that there is space and permanence for my things.

The night is calm and quiet,

It stays that way.

We sleep soundly besides one another and if the nightmares find me,

I wake to him gently coaxing me from it.

He tells me stories until I fall back asleep, the same way I would when my sister and I were young and slept in the same bed.

I know that by morning he will not have stopped loving me, knowing me, caring for me.

There will be coffee and breakfast and dishes,

It will all be so mundane and I will be thankful.

Now, when I’m alone in my bed and craving the past I picture a different version.

In this version,

I am loved well and completely. 

All I want is this version.