Grief Written

I am filled with pink promises with crossed fingers behind my back

I've got more death wishes than dreams

and I write suicide notes on the back of to do lists

and laugh at the irony

I lean over railings and walk curbs like they're tight ropes

Sometimes I lay upside down on my bed to feel all the blood rush to my head

and I wonder how much blood the human body holds

and it makes me dizzy but then I sit up and it all fades

and I wish I could just sit up and this would all fade

I'm always crying and crying and crying

I don't know how to stop

I store water in the well of sadness deep inside me

I've broken my heart open a thousand times for people

who weren't even thirsty

and so the water just continues to spill over the sides

maybe we'll enter a drought

I think about heartbreak and how you can actually die from it

and wonder if I will when I feel it every time

and how is it that my god damn heart is so resilient

I feel it break and bend

But it still beats like it's a boxer in the ring

it's pretty bloody and beaten,

wrapped around the ropes

someone please tell it that it doesn't have to fight anymore

I'm a lover not a fighter

but I've fought the one I love

and I'm bruised and broken in the ring

I think love shouldn't hurt this much