Grief Written

This moment. Right here. Right now. The moment is different while I'm writing this, than when you're reading it. I can't pin this moment's wings to a piece of cardboard, because I can't really catch this moment, and if I did then I don't know if it'd be the right moment. I can write how I feel but when the words are on paper I can't guarantee I still feel that way. And I just want to say as I'm writing this I'm happy and sad and nostalgic all at the same time. I love him but never want to see him again. I'm broken in one way and whole in another. This moment right now is filled with contradictions, And the moment changes like my mind, I feel everything and nothing at all, And I'm just trying to figure out how than can be.

I have a lot on my to do list I've been really busy I just started college My days are filled I tell myself these things to make it okay I don't write anymore, but thats okay Okay? Okay. I really am okay, Usually when I write I'm not. But I haven't been writing and thats okay. Everything is okay. No one really reads anymore, so does it matter if I write if no one reads? But really why I'm writing is to apologize. I'm sorry that I haven't been writing. My apology isn't even really for you but for me. I'm asking my aching fingers for forgiveness because I stem everything they want to say. I'm asking my bruised lips for forgiveness because they haven't had as much experience as they used to... and you can take that statement two ways. I'm telling every piece of me how damn sorry I am for not allowing it to just be. I'm sorry to my back for bending over it backwards for people who don't even bother to kiss ...

Sometimes I wake up to headlights passing my window, and think it's you