Grief Written

I think I'll always remember the Sunday where I sat in your lap in a random parking lot in the middle of the day. My arms clung to your neck and I sobbed into your shoulder.  "Just stay. Please stay. Let me be your girl. I want to have Sunday dinners with your family and love them like my own. I want them to tease you about me. I want us. So just stay. Let me be your girl."  And you touched my face tenderly and smiled a smile that broke my heart as you told me. "You're a tough girl to refuse." But we both knew you were. And you touched my stinging stomach from the night before where I stood on your doorstep meeting your mother for the first time, asking her where you were. "I told you she would've liked you. She thought you were sweet." You always knew how to break my heart in so little words.

And the most heartbreaking thing was when I told you, "do whatever makes you happy." And in response you told me, "I hope we can still be friends." -why wasn't I good enough?

Reason took my heart by its hand and they sat there for a moment watching you walk away. You didn't even glance over your shoulder. My heart cried for a moment, scarlet drops falling to the floor. Glancing beneath its feet it whispered, "now look at the mess I've made." Reason watched you for a moment longer and then tightened its grip on the heart "I shouldn't have  let you get away again." "I think it's time to go home." So Reason walked the heart home, tucking it in its bed of rib and bones. And there it stayed, because it still ached from the last time it ran away.